7 Essential 'bonsoir bonsoir' Facts You Need for 2025
Tired of feeling stuck? Go beyond positive thinking and discover the 7 essential mindsets for genuine personal growth, from the growth mindset to stoic focus.
Chloe Evans
A certified life coach and writer focused on evidence-based strategies for personal growth.
Ever feel like you’re running on a hamster wheel of self-improvement? You read the books, listen to the podcasts, and set ambitious New Year's resolutions. You get a jolt of motivation, make progress for a week or two, and then... life happens. The old habits creep back in, and you’re right back where you started, feeling just a little more frustrated.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The problem often isn’t a lack of effort or desire. The problem is that we’re trying to install new software on an outdated operating system. Before the habits, the hacks, and the to-do lists can truly work, we need to upgrade the very foundation of our thinking: our mindsets.
A mindset isn’t just a fleeting thought or a dose of “positive thinking.” It’s the underlying set of assumptions and beliefs through which you see the world—and yourself. Shifting these core beliefs is the key to unlocking genuine, sustainable growth. Forget the quick fixes. Let's explore the seven essential mindsets that will truly change your life from the inside out.
1. The Growth Mindset: Your Brain Isn't Fixed
This is the cornerstone, popularized by Stanford psychologist Carol Dweck. It’s the fundamental belief that your abilities, intelligence, and talents can be developed through dedication and hard work. It’s the direct opposite of a fixed mindset, which assumes your qualities are carved in stone.
“In a growth mindset, challenges are exciting rather than threatening. So rather than thinking, oh, I’m going to reveal my weaknesses, you say, wow, here’s a chance to grow.” - Carol Dweck
Why is it essential? A fixed mindset makes you fear failure because you see it as a final verdict on your capabilities. A growth mindset reframes failure as a vital part of the learning process. Every mistake is data. Every challenge is an opportunity to get stronger. This simple shift transforms your relationship with difficulty and unlocks your resilience.
How to Cultivate It:
Start by adding one simple word to your inner monologue: "yet." Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” say, “I can’t do this yet.” This small change acknowledges the present reality without closing the door on future possibility.
2. The Abundance Mindset: There's Enough for Everyone
Do you see the world as a zero-sum game? A place of limited resources, where someone else’s success means less for you? That’s the scarcity mindset. It breeds jealousy, competition, and fear.
The abundance mindset is the belief that there is plenty of success, opportunity, and happiness to go around. It sees possibilities instead of limitations. When a colleague gets a promotion, it doesn’t mean you’ve lost; it shows that growth is possible within your company. When a friend launches a successful business, it’s inspiration, not a threat.
This mindset allows you to collaborate freely, celebrate others genuinely, and approach your goals with creativity instead of desperation. It's the difference between hoarding your slice of the pie and realizing you can work with others to bake a bigger one.
How to Cultivate It:
Make a conscious effort to practice “compersion”—the opposite of jealousy. When you see someone succeed, actively celebrate them. Notice the feeling, verbalize it to them or a friend, and analyze what you can learn from their journey. This trains your brain to see others' wins as a source of inspiration, not a personal loss.
3. The Stoic Mindset: Focus on What You Control
So much of our anxiety and frustration comes from trying to manage things we have absolutely no power over: the traffic, the weather, what other people think of us. Ancient Stoic philosophy offers a powerful antidote: the Dichotomy of Control.
This mindset involves clearly separating what is within your control from what is not. You can't control if you get laid off, but you can control how you update your resume, network, and manage your mindset. You can't control a rude comment from a stranger, but you can control your response.
By focusing your energy exclusively on your own thoughts, actions, and responses, you reclaim an immense amount of mental and emotional power. You stop wasting energy on the uncontrollable and become radically effective in your own domain.
How to Cultivate It:
When you feel stressed, grab a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On one side, list everything about the situation you cannot control. On the other, list what you can. Crumple up the first list and throw it away. Your entire focus now belongs to the second list.
4. The Beginner's Mind: Be Open to Everything
In Zen Buddhism, this is called Shoshin. It’s an attitude of openness, eagerness, and a lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even when studying at an advanced level. As the saying goes, “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.”
As we get older and more experienced, our minds fill up with assumptions. We become “experts” who are less open to new ideas. The beginner’s mind is about shedding that armor of expertise and approaching situations with curiosity. It allows you to ask “dumb” questions, see old problems in new ways, and learn more deeply.
How to Cultivate It:
Pick a subject you think you know well. Now, pretend you know nothing about it and try to explain it to a five-year-old. Or, even better, take a class in something completely new to you—pottery, coding, a new language. Pay attention to your urge to judge or assume, and gently guide yourself back to a state of pure curiosity.
5. The Gratitude Mindset: Scan for the Good
This is more than just saying “thank you.” It’s an active practice of scanning your life for things to appreciate, no matter how small. Our brains have a built-in negativity bias—we’re wired to spot threats and problems. A gratitude mindset consciously counteracts this bias.
It’s not about ignoring the bad; it’s about giving the good equal airtime. Consistently practicing gratitude has been shown to improve sleep, reduce stress, and increase overall levels of happiness. It shifts your focus from what’s missing to what you have, which is a powerful anchor in turbulent times.
How to Cultivate It:
Every night before bed, write down three specific good things that happened that day and why they happened. Don't just write “my family.” Write, “My daughter told me a funny joke at dinner, which made me feel connected and joyful.” Specificity is key.
6. The Process Over Outcome Mindset: Fall in Love with the Work
We are a goal-obsessed society. “Lose 20 pounds.” “Get the promotion.” “Run a marathon.” The problem is, happiness tied to a future outcome is fleeting. You achieve the goal, feel a brief high, and then immediately look for the next summit.
The process over outcome mindset shifts your focus from the destination to the journey. It finds satisfaction in the daily actions, the habits, and the systems you build. You don't just focus on running the marathon; you learn to love the feeling of the crisp morning air on your daily run. You don’t just obsess over the promotion; you find fulfillment in mastering a new skill at work today.
This mindset builds incredible resilience. When you love the process, you keep going even when the results are slow to appear. It’s the secret to long-term consistency.
How to Cultivate It:
Redefine your goals. Instead of a pure outcome goal, create a process-based identity. Don't say, “I want to write a book.” Say, “I am a writer.” What does a writer do? They write. Your goal then becomes simple: show up and write for 30 minutes today. Celebrate completing the process, not just the final product.
7. The Compassion Mindset: For Yourself and Others
Personal growth is messy. You will fail. You will fall back into old patterns. The final, crucial mindset is about how you handle those moments. A critical inner voice will tell you you’re a failure and you should just give up. A compassionate mindset treats yourself with the same kindness you would offer a good friend.
Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, identifies its three core components: self-kindness, a sense of common humanity (recognizing that everyone suffers and makes mistakes), and mindfulness. It’s the understanding that imperfection is part of the human experience.
This isn't about letting yourself off the hook; it's about giving yourself the support you need to get back on the hook. Self-criticism kills motivation; self-compassion builds it.
How to Cultivate It:
The next time you make a mistake, pause. Instead of launching into self-criticism, ask yourself: “What would I say to a dear friend in this exact situation?” Then, say those words to yourself. It might feel strange at first, but it’s a powerful way to re-wire your response to failure.
The Journey Starts with a Single Shift
These seven mindsets aren’t personality traits you’re either born with or not. They are skills. They are muscles that can be trained, day by day, choice by choice. Don’t try to master all seven at once. That’s a recipe for overwhelm.
Instead, pick one. Which one resonates most with where you are right now? Start there. Focus on cultivating that single mindset for a month. Notice the shifts, however small. Because true, lasting change doesn’t come from a sudden leap, but from the quiet, consistent work of upgrading the way you see the world.