Am I Being Deceived? 10 Signs Your Gut Feeling Is Right
Feeling like you're being deceived but can't prove it? Learn 10 powerful signs that your gut feeling is right and how to trust your intuition.
Dr. Elena Vance
Clinical psychologist specializing in intuition, trust, and navigating complex interpersonal relationships.
Have you ever had that nagging feeling deep in the pit of your stomach? That quiet, persistent whisper that something isn’t quite right, even when everything on the surface seems perfectly fine. You might be in a conversation with a partner, a friend, or a colleague, and while their words are plausible, your internal alarm system is blaring. You try to dismiss it as paranoia or overthinking, but the feeling lingers, creating a subtle but constant hum of anxiety.
This is your intuition—your gut feeling. It's not magic; it’s your subconscious mind working at lightning speed, processing thousands of non-verbal cues, micro-expressions, and tonal shifts that your conscious brain hasn’t had time to register. When you feel like you’re being deceived, it’s often because your intuition has picked up on a disconnect between the story you’re being told and the data it’s observing. The challenge is learning to trust this powerful internal compass.
Ignoring your gut can lead to confusion, self-doubt, and ultimately, heartbreak or disappointment. But how do you know when it’s a genuine warning and not just anxiety? Here are 10 tangible signs that your gut feeling about being deceived is probably right.
1. Their Stories are Full of Holes
One of the most concrete signs of deception is inconsistency. When someone is telling the truth, the core facts of their story remain stable because they are recalling a memory. When someone is fabricating a story, they are creating it, which requires significant mental energy to keep straight.
You might notice:
- Changing Timelines: The time they said they left work changes from 5 PM to 6 PM in a later retelling.
- Conflicting Details: They initially said they were with Mark, but later mention a conversation that could have only happened if they were with Sarah.
- Forgetting Key “Facts”: They can’t seem to remember a crucial detail of the story they told you just last week.
When you gently question these inconsistencies, a deceptive person often becomes flustered or defensive, which leads us to our next point.
2. You Get Vague Answers and Deflections
Ask a direct question, get a roundabout answer. Sound familiar? Deceptive individuals are masters of avoidance. They don’t want to get pinned down by a specific lie, so they speak in generalities.
- You ask: “Where did you go after the gym?” They answer: “Oh, just out and about, running some errands.”
- You ask: “Who were you texting just now?” They answer: “Nobody important, just work stuff.”
Another common tactic is deflection, where they turn the question back on you. “Why are you asking so many questions? Don’t you trust me?” This is a powerful maneuver designed to put you on the defensive and make you feel guilty for being suspicious.
3. Their Body Language Doesn’t Match Their Words
Dr. Albert Mehrabian’s research famously found that communication is only 7% verbal. The other 93% is body language and tone of voice. Your gut feeling is brilliant at picking up on a mismatch between these elements.
Look for incongruence:
- Saying “yes” while subtly shaking their head “no.”
- Claiming to be relaxed while their fists are clenched, their jaw is tight, or they’re tapping their foot nervously.
- Avoiding eye contact at crucial moments, or making intense, unblinking eye contact in an attempt to seem more sincere.
- Covering their mouth or throat while speaking.
These are not definitive proof of a lie on their own, but when they accompany a story that already feels “off,” they are strong corroborating evidence for your intuition.
4. There Are Sudden and Unexplained Changes in Behavior
Humans are creatures of habit. When someone’s baseline behavior changes dramatically without a clear external reason (like a new job or a family crisis), it’s a red flag. Your intuition notices this shift long before you consciously process it.
This could manifest as:
- Communication Patterns: They used to call every night, and now you barely get a text. Or, conversely, they are suddenly showering you with attention and gifts (often a sign of guilt).
- Routines: They start “working late” frequently or have new, unexplained hobbies that take up their time.
- Affection: There’s a noticeable withdrawal of physical or emotional intimacy.
5. They’re Over-the-Top Defensive
“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” Shakespeare nailed it. An innocent person, when asked a simple question, will typically give a simple answer. They might be confused or slightly annoyed, but they won’t usually explode.
A deceptive person, however, feels cornered. Their lie is under threat. A simple, non-accusatory question like, “Hey, I called a few times earlier, where were you?” is met with an outburst: “Why are you always checking up on me?! I can’t have a moment to myself! You’re so controlling!” This disproportionate anger is designed to shock you into backing down.
6. They Make You Feel “Crazy” (Gaslighting)
This is one of the most insidious and damaging forms of deception. Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic where a person makes you doubt your own perceptions, memory, and sanity.
Common gaslighting phrases include:
- “That never happened.”
- “You’re being overly sensitive/dramatic.”
- “You’re imagining things.”
- “I was just joking! You can’t take a joke.”
If you consistently leave conversations feeling confused, anxious, and questioning your own reality, you are likely being gaslit. Your gut feeling is telling you that the reality you remember is true, even when the other person is trying to rewrite it.
7. A Sudden Obsession with Privacy and Secrecy
While everyone is entitled to privacy, a sudden, drastic shift towards secrecy in a previously open relationship is a major warning sign. This often revolves around technology.
Watch for behaviors like:
- Suddenly adding or changing passwords on their phone or computer.
- Angling their phone away from you or immediately closing a laptop when you walk into the room.
- Taking calls in another room or speaking in hushed tones.
- Being vague or secretive about their whereabouts.
This behavior screams that they have something to hide, and your gut knows it.
8. The Story Relies on “Convenient” Omissions
Sometimes, deception isn’t about outright lies; it’s about what’s left unsaid. A person might tell you a story that is technically true but strategically omits a critical piece of information that would change the entire meaning.
For example, they tell you they had dinner with “friends,” but omit that one of those “friends” was their ex. They tell you they lost money on a “bad investment,” but omit that the “investment” was gambling. Your intuition picks up on these gaps. The story feels incomplete, like a puzzle with a missing piece. You can’t put your finger on it, but you know the picture isn’t whole.
9. You Feel Drained and Anxious Around Them
Pay attention to your own body and emotional state. How do you feel after an interaction with this person? Interacting with someone who is being deceptive is emotionally and psychologically draining. You’re subconsciously on high alert, trying to decipher the truth and protect yourself. This state of hyper-vigilance is exhausting.
If you consistently feel more anxious, stressed, small, or confused after being with them, your body is sending you a powerful signal. It’s telling you that this interaction is not safe or authentic.
10. Your Inner Voice is Screaming “No”
This is the purest form of gut feeling. Sometimes, there is no single piece of evidence. The story is consistent, the body language seems normal, and they aren’t being defensive. And yet, a deep, primal part of you is simply saying, “I don’t believe this.”
This is your intuition in its rawest form. It’s the culmination of all the micro-cues, the energetic shifts, and the subtle inconsistencies that you can’t consciously articulate. Don’t dismiss this feeling. It is perhaps the most important sign of all. It’s your core self telling you to pay attention.
What to Do When You Suspect Deception
Recognizing these signs is the first step. The next is to decide how to act. It’s rarely a good idea to launch into an angry confrontation. Instead, consider a calmer, more measured approach:
- Observe, Don’t Accuse: Continue to gather information. Watch and listen calmly. See if the patterns persist.
- Trust Yourself: Acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Write down instances of inconsistency or weird behavior. This helps you see the pattern and validates your experience.
- Seek an Outside Perspective: Talk to a trusted, neutral friend or a therapist. Explaining the situation to someone else can bring clarity and perspective.
- Have a Calm Conversation: When you’re ready, approach the person from a place of “I feel” rather than “You did.” For example, “I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected from you lately, and it’s making me feel insecure. Can we talk about it?”
Ultimately, your intuition is a tool for self-preservation. It’s not about being paranoid; it’s about honoring your own wisdom. Learning to listen to that quiet voice within is one of the greatest acts of self-respect you can practice. It’s your compass, guiding you toward truth and away from deception.