What to Do When You Suspect You're Being Lied To
Suspect you might have adult ADHD? That 'aha!' moment can be overwhelming. Our guide offers clear, compassionate steps on what to do next, from self-reflection to seeking a professional diagnosis.
Dr. Alisha Kaur
Clinical psychologist specializing in adult neurodiversity and diagnostic assessments.
That 'Aha!' Moment: What to Do When You Suspect You Have ADHD
It often starts with a spark. A meme that’s a little too relatable. A podcast episode that feels like it’s describing your entire life. Or maybe a friend gets diagnosed, and as they share their experience, a lightbulb flickers on in your own mind. Suddenly, a lifetime of "Why am I like this?" starts to coalesce into a single, powerful question: "Wait... could I have ADHD?"
This "aha!" moment can be a whirlwind of emotions—relief, confusion, validation, and even a bit of grief for the past. If you're standing in the middle of that whirlwind right now, take a deep breath. You've just taken the first step on a path toward profound self-understanding. This isn't about finding a label for what's "wrong" with you; it's about discovering the unique wiring of your brain and learning how to work with it, not against it.
Here’s a compassionate, practical guide for what to do next.
First, Know You're Not Alone
If it feels like you're hearing about adult ADHD everywhere, you're not wrong. Thanks to social media and a growing cultural conversation, awareness has skyrocketed. For a long time, ADHD was seen as a condition affecting hyperactive little boys. We now understand it's a lifelong neurodevelopmental condition that presents differently across genders and ages.
Many adults, especially women and marginalized individuals, flew under the radar for decades. Their inattentiveness was mistaken for daydreaming, their executive dysfunction for laziness, and their emotional intensity for anxiety. So, what you're experiencing isn't a "trend"—it's a long-overdue correction. Your suspicion is valid and worth exploring.
Step 1: Become a Gentle Detective of Your Own Life
Before you jump to conclusions or fall down a late-night research rabbit hole, pause. The next step isn't to self-diagnose, but to self-observe. Think of yourself as a detective gathering clues about your own brain.
Start a note on your phone or in a journal. The goal is to look for patterns—not just from this week, but from your entire life. Ask yourself:
- Executive Function: Do I constantly struggle with starting tasks (task initiation), planning long-term projects, or meeting deadlines?
- Working Memory: Do I frequently lose my keys, phone, or wallet? Do I walk into a room and forget why I'm there?
- Focus and Attention: Can I get lost in a task I enjoy for hours (hyperfocus), but find it physically painful to focus on something boring? Does my mind wander during conversations?
- Emotional Regulation: Do I experience quick, intense flashes of frustration or anger over small things (rejection sensitivity dysphoria)? Are my moods often up and down?
- Restlessness: Am I always fidgeting, tapping my foot, or feeling an internal sense of "engine running" even when sitting still?
Jot down specific examples. Not just "I'm disorganized," but "Last week, I missed a bill payment even though I had the money, because I forgot where I put the bill." These concrete details will be invaluable, whether you're just seeking self-understanding or pursuing a formal diagnosis later.
Step 2: Go Beyond the Algorithm
Social media can be a fantastic tool for discovery, but it's not a diagnostic manual. A 30-second video can't capture the complexity of a clinical condition. Now that your curiosity is piqued, it's time to dig into more reliable sources.
Arming yourself with accurate information will help you separate myth from reality and understand the nuances of ADHD. Here are a few trusted places to start:
- Websites: Organizations like CHADD (Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) and the ADDitude Magazine website are treasure troves of well-researched articles, webinars, and resources.
- Books: Look for titles by renowned ADHD experts. Dr. Edward M. Hallowell's Driven to Distraction is a classic for a reason. Dr. Russell A. Barkley's work provides a deep dive into the science of ADHD and executive function.
- Podcasts: Shows like "ADHD for Smart Ass Women" with Tracy Otsuka or "Translating ADHD" with Cameron Gott and Shelly Collins offer deep, compassionate discussions on living with ADHD as an adult.
This step helps you build a solid foundation of knowledge, which empowers you to make informed decisions about what comes next.
Step 3: Explore the Path to Diagnosis (If It's Right for You)
A formal diagnosis is a personal choice, and it's not a requirement for finding helpful strategies. However, many people find it incredibly validating. It can provide a definitive answer, grant access to medical treatments (like medication) and workplace/educational accommodations, and offer a framework for understanding your past, present, and future.
If you decide to pursue this, you'll want to find a qualified professional. This is typically:
- A psychiatrist, who can diagnose and prescribe medication.
- A clinical psychologist or neuropsychologist, who specializes in comprehensive diagnostic testing.
The evaluation process is more than just a checklist. It usually involves a detailed clinical interview about your childhood, school history, work life, and current struggles. You'll likely fill out several questionnaires, and sometimes family members or a partner may be asked for their perspective.
A note on accessibility: We have to acknowledge that getting a diagnosis can be expensive and time-consuming. If you're facing barriers, look into university psychology clinics (which often offer low-cost assessments by supervised graduate students) or providers who offer sliding-scale fees.
Step 4: Start Building Your ADHD-Friendly Life Now
Here's the most important part: you don't have to wait for a diagnosis to start making your life easier. The struggles you're facing are real, regardless of their label. You can begin experimenting with ADHD-friendly strategies today.
Think of it as creating an external support system for your brain.
A Few Ideas to Try:
- Externalize Everything: Your brain isn't a reliable storage unit. Use calendars, planners, sticky notes, and phone alarms for everything. If it needs to get done, it needs to live outside of your head.
- The "One-Touch" Rule: To fight "object permanence" issues, try to deal with things the moment you touch them. Open the mail and pay the bill immediately. Put the dish directly in the dishwasher instead of on the counter.
- Embrace "Body Doubling": This is a game-changer for many. It's the simple act of having someone else in the room (physically or virtually) while you do a task. Their quiet presence can be incredibly focusing.
- Find Your Community: Knowing you're not alone is powerful. Find online communities (like the ADHD subreddit), forums, or local support groups. Hearing from others who just get it can be life-changing.
Your Journey Is Just Beginning
Suspecting you have ADHD is a pivotal moment. It's an invitation to look at yourself with more curiosity and less judgment. It’s the start of rewriting the narrative you’ve been told about yourself—that you’re lazy, scattered, or “too much.”
Whether you pursue a diagnosis, dive into self-help books, or simply start using a planner more consistently, you are moving toward a life that's more aligned with how your brain actually works. Be patient and compassionate with yourself. This isn't a quick fix; it's a journey of discovery. And you've already taken the most important step.